I’m beginning to regret going back for my MBA.  If you’ve seen the movie Back to School, you might understand my predicament.  If you haven’t seen the movie, Rodney Dangerfield plays a character (Mr. Melon) that decides to go back to school even though he’s in his 50′s.

One of my favorite scenes dialog in the movie is below:


Professor: So, rather than waste your time this semester with a lot of useless theories we’re going to jump right in with both feet and create a fictional company
from the ground up.

We’ll construct our physical plant we’ll set up an efficient administrative and executive structure
then we’ll manufacture our product and market it. I think you’ll find it very interesting and a lot of fun. So, let’s start by looking at construction costs of our new factory.

Rodney: What’s the product?

Professor: That is immaterial for the purposes of our discussion here but if it makes you happy let’s say we’re making tape recorders.

Rodney: Tape recorders?
Are you kiddin’?  The Japs will kill us on the labor costs.

Professor: OK, fine. Then let’s just say they’re widgets.

Rodney: What’s a widget?

Professor: It’s a fictional product.  It doesn’t matter.

Rodney: Doesn’t matter. Tell that to the bank.

Professor: On the board, you will see a cost analysis for construction of
a square-foot facility which will encompass both factory and office space and is fully serviced
by all utilities…a railroad spur line and a four-bay shipping dock.


Rodney: Hold it, hold it. Why build?
You’re better off leasing…at a buck and a quarter, a buck and a half a square foot.
Take your down payment and put it into CDs…or something else you can roll over every couple of months.

Professor: Thank you, Mr. Melon…but we’ll be concentrating on finance a little later in the term.
For the time being,let’s just concentrate on the construction figures, shall we?
You’ll see the final bottom line requires the factoring in of not just the material and construction costs…but also the architects’ fees and the cost of land servicing.

Rodney: Oh, you left out a bunch of stuff.

Professor: Oh, really? Like what, for instance?

Rodney: First of all, you have to grease the local politicians for the sudden zoning problems
that always come up.

Then there’s the kickbacks to the carpenters.

And if you plan on using any cement in this building…I’m sure the teamsters would like to have a little chat with you, and that’ll cost you.

Don’t forget a little something for the building inspectors.

There’s the long-term costs, such as waste disposal.

I don’t know if you’re familiar with who runs that business…but I assure you it’s not the boy scouts.

Professor: That will be quite enough, Mr. Melon.
Maybe bribes and kickbacks and Mafia payoffs are how you do business..but they are not part of
the legitimate business world and they’re certainly not part of anything I’m teaching in this class.
Do I make myself clear?

Rodney: Sorry. Just trying to help.  That’s all.

Professor: Now, notwithstanding Mr. Melon’s input…the next question for us is
where to build our factory.

Rodney: How about Fantasyland?

And that pretty much summarizes how my classes have been going.  I never considered the abysmal state of higher education but it’s bad.   Ultimately it’s up to the student to learn and master a variety of subjects and that can be done by reading books and co-mingling with professionals in the business world but if you want that piece of paper with the letters M.B.A stamped on it you have to go back to school and get it from an “accredited” university.

What is really lacking in Universities, in my opinion, are professors that have *real* world experience and not just academics that write theoretical papers all day long.   I managed to get into an argument with a professor over a theoretical application of something that will never exist in the real world; what’s the point of covering and studying the subject if it’s never going to be of any practical use?

Universities came into existence to help businesses run business more efficiently and effectively.   As commerce grew,  so did the demand for qualified professionals to manage operations, finances and other facets of business.  I believe this was the core mission of higher education but lately it’s become a social club of intellectual snobs detached from reality focusing on nonsensical, impractical, and myopic topics and fads.

Unfortunately, I’m not sure I have much of a choice, with China & India cranking out college graduates by the MILLIONS and willing to work for 1/3 to 1/5 of what most Americans get paid, it’s going to be a much more competitive world moving forward.