You know that great service you get at the Post Office and the DMV? Well get ready because it’s soon coming to a GM dealership near you! That’s right, a whole new experience in car buying will soon be available at a GM dealer near you. Here is a sneak peek:

1. Queuing – Are you used to a sales person greeting you as you enter the dealership? Well forget it, those inefficient days are over because from now on, you’ll have to queue in long lines and wait for a GM sales person to be ready to talk to you.

2. Forms – Are you used to walking around a dealership “kicking the tires” and then asking for the keys so you can take a car for a test drive? Those inefficient days are over because from now on you’ll need to fill out forms in triplicate, provide at least three forms of ID (Drivers License, credit card and utility bill) in order to get access to the keys for a test drive*. *Note: This will require separate queue which will only take 30 to 45 minutes.

3. Financing – Are you used to signing on the dotted line and driving away with the car of your dreams? Forget about it! You’ll now have to sit through a two hour counseling session making sure you understand the financing terms, sign document agreeing that you will wear your seatbelt at all times, make sure you don’t have any unpaid taxes or student loan debt, and you haven’t been convicted of DUI or DWI before you’re allowed to “purchase” the vehicle.

4. Office Hours – Are you used to going to the dealership six days out of the week from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m? Forget about it! The new dealership hours are officially 10 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. closed on all federal holidays, Saturday and Sunday.

5. Service Shop – The service shop will have exciting new hours (see above) and wait times will only triple for repairs, parts, queues and service.

6. Selection – Are you used to selecting between every style and color under the rainbow? Forget about it! All new vehicles will come in either red, white or blue and in a single box style format to make it easy to deliver mail should an emergency arise.

Now this is what I call progress!

Bondholders are being asked to swap all their claims for 10 percent of the equity in the reorganized company. The offer is contingent on cutting at least half of GM’s $20.4 billion of obligations to a United Auto Workers retiree-medical fund, known as a Voluntary Employee Beneficiary Association, through a debt- for-equity exchange that would give the VEBA as much as 39 percent of common stock in the Detroit-based carmaker.

Without an accord, bondholders face the uncertainty of bankruptcy, GM Chief Financial Officer Ray Young said today. At least 90 percent in principal amount of the notes must be exchanged by June 1 to satisfy the U.S. Treasury, GM said today in a statement.

“This is an offer that’s designed to fail,” said Kip Penniman, an analyst at fixed-income research firm KDP Investment Advisors in Montpelier, Vermont. “To get 90 percent of them to agree to such a deal where there’s no cash, no other debt and pure equity while leaving the union VEBA arrangement unchanged from previous considerations is absurd.”